


Heart of Glass

by panna_acida



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Episode: S01E06 Rare Species, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:20:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24044254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panna_acida/pseuds/panna_acida
Summary: Jaskier head was clouded, his heart shattered in tiny pieces, shattered so little, like fine dust, not being able to put it back anymore. Like a broken glass.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 6
Kudos: 147





	1. Dust in a Jar

**Author's Note:**

> It started as a drabble, and then it ended up as a 2 chapter fic, because yes I love angst, but I love more happy ending. ♥

Coming down from that mountain felt like it took forever, with Geralt’s words still replaying in his head like a broken lullaby. 

_If life could give me one blessing, it would be to take you off my hands._

Jaskier’s head was clouded, his heart shattered in tiny pieces like fine dust, unable to be repaired. Like a broken glass.

Hours became days, days became weeks. Seasons changed in front of his eyes like in a dream, and his heart tried to put itself back together… without results. So he sang, and sang, moving on with the only constant in his life, putting the fine dust in a glass jar. Music. So Jaskier sang, at inns, at court, and on the street where the music traveled carried by the wind and the voices of the people. 

Jaskier knew this day was coming, and he dreaded it, but he tried and tried to avoid every single village he knew there was some kind of monster, he tried to stay out of the streets Geralt usually moved on. He tried and he failed. 

The door of the inn opened with a loud _bang_ , stopping the loud ruckus happening inside for a few seconds, just in time to let the folks check out the new visitor, before moving back on what they were doing. Tall and covered in a black cloak, completely drenched from head to toe, white hair peeking out of the hood, swords on his back, _Geralt_ , Jaskier’s mind supplied. Hentered and moved his eyes over the crowd before stopping. Golden eyes met blue ones. With Jaskier’s hands frozen on the chord, the music stopped and a uproar among the crowd, but Jaskier ran away, and ran and ran clutching his lute on his chest. He ran into the storm, leaving behind everything he had and a little of the dust that was his heart.

On a rainy day, in a forgotten village his nightmare became reality. 

“JASKIER!” Geralt shouted with desperation tinging his voice, not so distant, when one hand closed around his free arm and pulled Jaskier against a firm chest. “I’m sorry.” Three little words and everything came crashing back.

“No, no, no,” Jaskier started, pushing away from Geralt, from memories and pain. He couldn’t do that again, he couldn’t. Jaskier continued with barely contained rage mixed with pain and betrayal, “You pushed me away like I was nothing!”

Jaskier tried to square his shoulder and take a step back, but a firm hand stopped his motion. “No, go away Geralt. Go away and don’t look back.” With that, Jaskier just turned around the moment the arms around him loosened, and started to move again.

“Jaskier.” Soft. Geralt’s voice was soft and filled with regret, and something Jaskier didn’t want to read, not at the moment. Not ever.

“Please let me go,” Jaskier whispered, bowing his head slightly and letting his wet hair cover his eyes.

“I will, but please, before you go, let me say something, let me…” Geralt took a deep breath and moved closer, turning Jaskier’s body just to face him. “I know I was a piece of shit on that mountain, I know I can’t do anything to take back the things I said that day. But one thing I can say,” Another deep breath, and Geralt let go of Jaskier's hand to cup his face and tilt it up, to look in his eyes. “I’m sorry, and I know I’m not easy to forgive, but you need to know that I will always be here for you. If anything happens I will come to help. I will do anything. You understand?” Geralt let go of Jaskier’s face, but did not move from his position, while Jaskier took a step back and lowered again his head, nodding slowly, unsure.

“I accept your apology, but I can’t get over it so fast, I can’t guarantee that I will be over that at all. But thanks for the words, thanks, and goodbye Geralt.” Jaskier finished, gripping with more force the lute in his arms. 

“Goodbye,” Jaskier whispered one last time, before turning around and moving out of the city, out of the Witcher’s world forever with only his lute and a glass jar full of dust.

_Once I had a love and it was divine_   
_Soon found out I was losing my mind_   
_It seemed like the real thing but I was so blind_   
_Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind_


	2. Dust and Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian jumped from the bed, breathing heavily, with sweat forming on his brown and the same image plastered in his head. White hair and golden eyes, and the same words that made his heart ache. Over and over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God bless my beta soul "thanksroach" on tumblr for correcting all my horror in this one, also correct even the first chapter, but nothing big.

" _If life could give me one blessing, it would be to take you off my hands._ " 

Julian jumped from the bed, breathing heavily, with sweat forming on his brown and the same image plastered in his head. White hair and golden eyes, and the same words that made his heart ache. Over and over again.

“Fuck!” Julian cursed under his breath, staring at the blurry, blinking number on his side table, three o’clock in the morning, the middle of the night with only two hours of sleep, _like always_. “Great.” Flinging his legs out of the bed and onto the floor, Julian moved, wobbling, toward the bathroom where the bright light from the neon bulb blinded him for a few seconds letting him forget the shit that was his life, and his sleep schedule.

\---

_You were raised by wolves and voices  
Every night I hear them howling deep beneath your bed  
They said it all comes down to you.  
_

Geralt knew he didn’t fit at all in the new world Even if he was born and raised there, his mind didn’t fit at all, his memories were from another time, another world. Old and forgotten like...

“GERALT!” 

“Hm?”

“Are you daydreaming again?” Yennefer snapped her fingers, finally gaining Geralt's attention.

Yennefer, the one that made all his memories float back on the surface, the one that put the piece of his destroyed life back together, and also the one responsible for all the shit happening in his life at the moment. He was grateful in some kind of way, but at the same time he wasn’t, at all, thanks to a big hole in his heart shaped like a certain bard.

“Yes,” Geralt admitted, pinching the bridge of his nose, before taking a deep breath.

“Then stop, and go back to work,” Yennefer announced with a little head tilt before turning around and going back to where she’d come from, heels clicking loudly on the old wooden floor of their recording studio. 

She stopped for a few seconds in the middle of the corridor, without turning around, but clicking her finger on the handrail leading upstairs. “I forgot,” Yennefer said, waving her free hand hand, “we have a new audition this evening, so prepare the room. And let’s hope it goes how I think it will.” She finished with a whisper, moving again toward her office.

The room. Geralt hated that room, a room that smelled of magic and pain, the room that started it all. He tried to move on, he needed to move on, but still, he hated that room from the bottom of his old heart. Sighing and rolling his shoulder moved anyway toward the registration room to start the preparation for the evening, just like Yennefer asked.

\---

_Remember me I ask  
Remember me I sing  
Give me back my heart you wingless thing  
_

Julian moved like he was in a bubble all through the day. Smiled when he needed, laughed when requested, but every gesture felt hollow and fake. Even his own skin felt itchy, but he moved and moved till his audition came and his world shifted again, in a different way.

“I’m going,” Julian announced, taking his jacket and moving out of the staff room in silence ignoring every look and every word directed in his direction. He loved teaching, he loved all his students and yet he really hated all the other teachers' looks, the way they talked to him, the way they acted… _fake, fake, fake_. So he moved toward a better, he hoped, life.

The studio was just a little bit out of town, the building unsuspecting, but the insegna outside was very bright and big in contrast with the neighborhood, so dull and dark, like two souls lived in the same area.

“And you are?” A deep voice pulled Julian from his dream, making his eyes scan the surrounding just to find a big man sitting in a corner with a lollipop sticking out of his mouth.

“Julian? I’m here for the audition?” Julian answered cringing at his own squeaky voice. In his defence, the man was scary and it took him by surprise when he spoke from his dark corner.

“Follow me,” the scary man with a really big scar said, starting to move toward a hidden door in the corner of the said building, opening it to let Julian in. “First floor and third door on the left.” 

“Thanks…” Julian moved, entering the building and starting to follow the directions he was given, when something made him stop and turn around.

“Welcome back Jaskier,” the man whispered, with a little knowing smile playing on his lips before closing the door.

_Welcome back?_ _Jaskier_? Julian didn’t understand, but at the same time something deep inside him was pleased for two little words and a name he didn’t recognize, something he couldn’t quite place and that grew bigger and bigger the moment he moved further into the building. Like something inside him was resonating with the building. Singing, sparkling, something old and warm.

Three knocks on a door with a big label saying ‘ _Recording Room_ ’ handwritten sticking outside and half faded. “I’m Julian, and I’m here for the audition,” Julian said waiting for an answer, and adjusting the strap of his guitar.

“Come in,” the same female voice he talked to on the phone called from the inside, followed by some grumble and some quiet whisper.

“Hello…” Julian opened the door to find inside a beautiful and scary woman waiting for him. The woman was wearing a little formal smile on her lips and a man stood behind her, tall, broody, with white hair and with eyes growing wide by the minute. A man that looked a lot like the one from his dream, stared at Julian like he was some kind of ghost. 

“Welcome,” the scary lady said, raising from her chair, extending a hand. “I’m Yennefer, and the one behind me is Geralt - the sound technician.”

“Nice to meet you,” Julian said, going to shake Yennefer's hand with a little strained smile on his lips, when the moment their hand touched a jolt of electricity shot him, making him jump back and shake his hand in pain. “What the hell?!?!” Julian said clutching his hand still feeling current sparkling in his body.

“Oh sorry” Yennefer said, not sounding sorry at all. “Might be some static electricity” she continued, and with a smile pointed toward a door behind her. “That’s the studio, if you want, there are some guitars and other instruments ready to use, also when you want we can start?”

With a little nod, going to adjust the case of the guitar on his back Julian moved toward the room.

“Thanks, but I have mine,” Julian mumbled pointing at his guitar, before disappearing inside the registration room, and closing the door behind him, hearing only a muffled “ _what the hell Yen?!?_ ” before everything went quiet, the world around him, his mind, and the music started to beat a steady rhythm inside his head letting all the bad stuff in the world disappear.

“Are you ready?” Yennefer's voice came after a few minutes from the other side of the glass, snapping Julian back into reality.

“Ready.” A quick thumbs up, headphones on, and Julian started slow.

_Think of all the horrors that I  
Promised you I'd bring  
I promise you, they'll sing of every time  
You passed your fingers through my hair and called me child  
Witness me old man  
Old man  
Old man  
I am the  
_

Julian let the words disappear on the last note, and the guitars close the song while tears he didn’t know he had started to slowly fall down his face.

_Why now?_ He thought that his tears had dried up years before, he thought...

“Thanks Julian, can you come back here please?” Yennefer called him, while Geralt behind her just stared right into his soul, like he was reading his mind. _WHY?_ He didn’t know the man, and yet his heart screamed of love, yearning, heartbreak and buried memories...

“Yes,” Julian answered after a little while, voice low and heart aching.

\---

“You knew!” Geralt nearly growled. “You knew this all the time and yet, you didn’t tell me anything! WHY!” started taking a step forward, but stopped the moment Yen shook her head.

“I wasn’t sure it was him, I only ever heard his voice, I never saw his face, I wasn’t sure but I knew he had some kind of connection to Jaskier, to _our_ Jaskier, but he still doesn’t remember anything about us, about his past life, but he sure as hell knows that something's wrong with his current life, you didn’t read his files, you…” Yennefer stopped the moment she heard the door knob move, and turned around to face Julian, with a smile on her face, a real smile. “How did you find the studio?” Yennefer asked, tilting her head lightly and waving her hand to make Julian move toward them.

“Good?” Julian said, going to re-adjust the strap of the case on his shoulder. “Yeah, it was good.”

“Perfect, you can come back tomorrow at the same hour and we can continue our work.” With a smile, and a quick hand shake Yennefer turned around and stormed out of the room, leaving Julian and Geralt alone.

“Mh,” Julian started to look around not knowing what to do or even say trying to not let his mouth run, trying… “Is she always like this or, I’m just so damn charming?” Julian continued, letting his mouth run and run, because that man was sexy as he was intimidating, even if his eyes emanated a deep sorrow and he didn’t know how to react.

“Jaskier?” Geralt started, taking a step forward, and stopping the moment Julian took a step back mirroring him, his back hitting the wall with a soft thud.

“Sorry, but what is a Jaskier? And right…” Julian started…

“I’m sorry.”

“What?

“I’m sorry,” Geralt repeated, never looking away from Jaskier… Julian, in front of him.

“For what?” Julian started, gripping the straps of his guitar more tightly. “I don’t even know you.” And yet, that three little words made some kind of barrier he built up started to crumble, and he couldn’t let that happen, not at the moment, not in front of a complete stranger. No.

“I know,” Geralt said, with a sad little smile barely visible on his lips, before pointing at the door. “If you follow me, I will show you the exit.” With that Geralt moved, silently waiting for Julian to follow him, inside the corridor and toward the exit of the building. In complete silence, both men just moved, until Geralt pointed at a door at the end of the hallway. 

“See you tomorrow?” he asked.

“Tomorrow,” Julian said in a little voice, before moving past the mountain of muscle in front of him, and toward the door. “Tomorrow,” he repeated with a tiny smile playing on his lips, before going outside and into the chill night toward his empty apartment, with a warm feeling inside him.

When the door closed, Geralt turned around and stomped toward Yennefer's office. He needed to know, he needed answers and Yen was the one to have them.

“What files?” Geralt asked, opening the door without knocking. “What kind of files!” Continued going to slam his palm on Yennefer's desk.

“Geralt,” Yennefer started pinching the bridge of her nose, “sit and calm the fuck down,” Yennefer hissed, before going to retrieve a little bundle of papers inside her desk drawer and handing them toward Geralt. 

“Mh,” Geralt grunted as a thanks, taking the flies from her hand and starting to open them.

“Don’t,” Yennefer started, taking a deep breath, “don’t act on them, don’t let these files cloud your mind, read them with an open mind and please, just please” continued leaning over to take Geralt hand in her “don’t think that everything written there is your fault, just don’t.” With that she released his hand, raised from her chair and moved toward the door. “When you are done, switch the light off and close everything, and don’t search for him, he is going to come back, because that's what everyone does, and you know it.” She finished, closing the door behind her and leaving Geralt and the files alone in the main office.

Morning light started to filter through the window, when Geralt startled back to reality when a hand landed on his shoulder, making him turn around to look in the eyes of the old man.

“Go home, pup,” Vesemir said, voice uncharatestical soft, squeezing Geralt's shoulder lightly, “you’ve been here for more than four hours with those files in your hand, go home.”

“You knew, right?” Geralt asked, knowing already the answer, turning back around to look at the now wrinkled papers in his hands.

“Yes,” Vesemir replied, and continued sitting on the opposite chair from Geralt, “but that didn’t change anything, because we couldn’t do anything, we didn’t know who we were, not till Yennefer woke us, and for him,” he stopped for a few seconds, just to take the files from Geralt, “don’t look at me like that, you know it, he may be linked to us, _to you_ , but he is not one of us.”

“No he is not,” Geralt whispered, shaking his head and starting to rise from his chair.

“But maybe,” Vesemir started again, stopping Geralt’s movement, “destiny works in a different way this time.” The old man ended, taking one of the cigars on the desk and putting it between his lips.

“Thanks.”

“Go to sleep now, we will see what that witch of yours has in mind tomorrow.” With that and a little nod, Geralt disappeared behind the office door, with a hint of a smile forming on his lips for the first time in centuries.

\---

Julian sighed, looking at his guitar, and at the music sheets in front of him, remembering the previous day that felt completely surreal. Like entering that building had the same feeling as entering another world and unlocking some memories he didn’t know he had, memories of a strange world, of monsters and yet something was off. Geralt, the sexy and built like a brick man, left a strange taste in his mouth, something that he couldn’t quite place. Something that spoke of heartbreak and love, something that pulled some string of his heart.

Julian stared at his hand, and at his guitar, at his hand and back at his guitar for a few times, before sighing and rising from his old couch and moving out of his home to go to the studio and meet again that weird group of people.

\---

Yennefer was standing in the office, with Geralt just outside the door, looking like a caged wolf moving back and forth.

“Stop brooding, come inside and close that damn door!” Yennefer finally conceded, sitting on the chair, and inviting Geralt to do the same.

“Mh,” Geralt grunted, before doing what Yennefer asked him.

“Yesterday,” Yennefer started, going to take the crumbled files back from his hands, and starting to move through the papers. “I think you know what I did to Jaskier. It was a little jolt but it looks like it worked, and other memories were unlocked…” raising one manicured finger stopped everything Geralt wanted to say, “I don’t know what memories, I know that some started to resurface, so please if he acts in strange way, DON’T do anything stupid and let me handle everything, ok?”

“Ok,” Geralt sighed after a few minutes of complete silence. 

“He is here,” Yennefer announced, raising from her chair, stopping the conversation, and moving out of the office to meet the young man.

“Julian!” Yennefer beamed, reaching out her hand to take Julian one in her, letting her magic flow, causing another little jolt in Julian that this time just flinched and shaked his hand without saying anything. “Welcome back, are you ready for a new day of recording?” Yennefer asked, turning around and moving toward the registration room, without waiting for Julian to answer or say anything. “Yesterday your recording session was amazing, and it was only one song, let’s see if we can do better today.” She turned around to look at Julian, with a smile on her face. “Ready?”

“Yes,” Julian answered with a smile on his lips, still moving his eyes from Yennefer to Geralt and back at the woman.

\---

_It's what's engraved upon my heart  
In letters deeply worn  
Today I somehow understand the reason I was born  
_

The day moved on, more songs were recorded, more lyrics singed and Julian heart ached, looking at the man behind the glass, looking back at him with sad eyes.

“Let’s take a little break,” Yennefer announced after what was the third hour in the recording room. “I’m going to get a coffee, you guys have fun.” She gave a little wink toward Geralt, tapping lightly at the door before closing that behind her, and activating her magic.

“What?” Julian asked the moment the door was closed, and magic started to twirl around his body unlocking and fishing memories of a past long forgotten, of a different life…

Geralt shrugged a little before moving to sit at the mixer working, ignoring Julian… more or less. At that Julian just sighed, and started to move around the room, before putting on a stand his guitar and letting his finger move from the piano, to the violin, and even on an electric guitar before stopping in front of an old lute, all engraved and made of a magnificent wood. Taking it out of his stand, Julian started to pinch the chord, stopping the moment the instrument emitted an out of tone note, making Julian cringe.

“Can I?” Julian pointed the moment he noticed Geralt staring at him with wide eyes, moving them from the lute to Julian and back down, before nodding and moving back behind the glass without letting his eyes move from him. Shrugging, Julian seated back on his chair and started to tune back the instrument while a soft melody started to bubble up, and words coming out of his mouth, soft but steady, like he knew them by memory.

“ _Toss a coin to your Witcher_ …” Julian started humming, with a little smile on his lips, fingers still moving on the chord of the lute in his hand and everything came crashing down. Image after image, faces of humans and monsters, words and songs, love and heartbreak, everything came at the same time, and everything disappeared the same way, leaving Julian screaming on the floor, clutching his head, before letting the void take him.

Waking up was strange, voices floated around him. Geralt angry one, Yennefer exasperated one, and the other he did know and completely forgot about for a really long time.

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!!”

“OH FOR FUCK SAKE GERALT HE JUST LOST CONSCIOUS HE ISN’T DEAD!”

“BUT HE IS NOT WAKING UP!!!”

“Shut uuuuuup, why do you two always fight?”

“Jaskier?” Geralt's voice softened, and a calloused hand started to stroke his cheeks tenderly.

“Yeah, I’m awake, I’m awake,” Jaskier groaned, opening slowly one eye, just to shut it immediately, because of a blinding light. “Where the hell am I?”.

“What is the last thing you remember?” Yennefer asked, after hissing at what Jaskier thought was Geralt.

“Rain? Geralt?” Jaskier started, going to cover his eyes with one hand and pinching the bridge of his nose, feeling an impending headache coming his way. “Cold, and…” a shiver moved through his entire body “and a knife blade sticking through my chest… Am I dead, and this is what awaits me in the afterlife?” Jaskier asked after a few seconds, raising slowly his hand and opening one eye to look at Yennefer and Geralt at his side. “And you two are my penance, right?” 

Yennefer, sighing, slapped Jaskier's arm away from his face.

“Your damn bard is back at full force, all yours.” Yennefer said to Geralt, that he was just sporting a little pleased smile on his face, moving away from the couch and toward the exit, pushing all the others that gathered around the room to look at Jaskier.

“Yeah.”

“What? What?” Jaskier started, sitting and looking at two in front of him.

“Tell him everything, I’m going to rest…” With that Yennefer finally exited the room, closing the door behind her.

“What?”

“Jaskier...”

“What?”

“First of all stop with that.” Geralt sighed, with a fond smile gracing his lips. 

“But I don’t understand what’s happening.”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you,” Geralt started going to stop Jaskier from speaking by placing two fingers on his lips, “what you remember before the blade? Try to go back with the memory... please.” A little nod and Geralt moved away his finger.

“I’m not sure,” Jaskier started voice going down, and tilting his head to a side, closing his eyes “you tried to apologize to me,” he continued, opening again his eyes and staring at Geralt on the chair near him, “and I accepted it, then I left you in the town and… and…” Jaskier stopped lowering his head and going to cover his face with his hand, while tears started to roll down red cheeks.

“Look at me,” Geralt asked, reaching out one hand to dry the tears, and raising Jaskier's head, just to look him in the eyes. “That’s in the past, in another life, this is the present, this will be your life now... if you want” Geralt ended in a whisper, moving on his knees to take Jaskier's head in his hand and tilt it a little. 

“You love me,” Jaskier whispered in awe, bites and pieces of memories slowly coming back, “before everything went dark, before waking up here, and living this life, you told me you loved me and that you would have brought me back no matter what.”

“No matter what,” Geralt repeated, going to make their forehead collide, and closing his eyes, basking in the moment of finally having Jaskier back with him.

“It took you a lot of time,” Jaskier chuckled, taking Geralt's hand in his, before going to kiss lightly his palm. “I love you too, but right now I can’t be with you.” Jaskier stopped Geralt before continuing, “I need to put all the piece of this life together, I need to sort all these memories of the past and the present life, I can’t be with you… for now, but we can start again, from the beginning, what do you think?” Jaskier asked, a little nervous, not letting go of Geralt's hand.

“Yeah, yeah I love that.” 

It was a new beginning. A new start.

“Good, really good,” Jaskier said, letting go of Geralt’s hand and rising from the couch, extending his right hand. “Nice to meet you, I’m Julian Alfred Pankratz, but my friends call me Jaskier.”

Yeah, that could actually work, maybe they can be friends again, maybe they can learn to love again, or maybe they are already in love and everything will be back naturally like in the past, or better.

A new life. Literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter songs (I love them ok?):  
> The Horror and the Wild - The Amazing Devil  
> Fair - The Amazing Devil

**Author's Note:**

> Also yes, hi, I love ending this first chapter with a cliffhanger... and the song is "Heart of Glass" by Blondie if anyone is interested.


End file.
